A Blender Without a Lid

Having two children is kind of like a blender without a lid. You are busy all the time and sometimes it's pure chaos. I never knew that I would love the cause of chaos and the chaos itself so much. <3

Since my last blog, we added another child into the mix. Our sweet baby girl, Meredith, was born in December. She was very much planned and took almost a year to conceive. I did NOT want another Winter baby, but that is what God had in mind for us. Thank you God, because she is perfect! Even though she was planned, I struggled a lot with "letting go" of my first baby and the idea of sharing my time. The very night we found out I was pregnant, I held Max in bed and cried and cried and thought "What in the world did we do!?" So many emotions as my pregnancy went on and things I worried about. My delivery with Max was horrific - was this going to be the same!? Turns out, on the day she was born all of those worries went out the door and now seemed so silly. My delivery (scheduled c-section) was fantastic, as fantastic as a c-section could be and we stuck to our birth plan. Breastfeeding was going amazing and I felt amazing. My recovery was a breeze compared to Max. 

I always told myself after Max I wanted NO MORE kids. I got rid of most of his baby things and moved on. Now we are 4.5 months into life with two kids and it's really, really great. Like I said earlier it's chaos sometimes, but I would do it a million times over. It's hard, you have to learn a whole new way of doing things and you have to plan out almost everything. Not saying I don't lose my shit sometimes because I'm human and I'm a mother, so I probably lose my shit on the daily. Like, I'm sure the neighbors can hear me yelling at my 3 year old and have contemplated calling DCFS, haha. It's definitely not always sunshine and rainbows. Tonight for instance, burgers were being grilled outside and Max decided he would add his own touch to them and threw dirt on them. I know what you're wondering... "What did you do for dinner?" Well, we ate the burgers of course. 

Parenting is tough. REAL TOUGH. Absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done. You question yourself a lot and compare yourself to other mothers. I am battling with myself if I am giving my children the same amounts of attention. I am trying to enjoy Meredith's baby stages as much as possible. After all, I was able to give Max my undivided attention since he was the only one for quite some time. I still beat myself up sometimes and even when it's real late at night, after I've rocked Meredith to sleep, I will still go into Max's room to get some extra cuddles because we both need them.

Well. I just wanted to write a blog because I felt like it and it's been a minute since I've wrote one. My life is basically consumed by my children. Having two really makes you see how fast time goes by. I soak in the moments as much as I can. It seems like I was just giving birth to my first yesterday and now here I have a 3 year old and 4 month old. I really do thank God every single day for the blessings he has provided me. There are a lot of women out there who would give anything to be a mother and I get to experience it times 2.