I count you twice...

To Max and Meredith: "When I count my blessings, I count you twice..."

I love my kids more than words can describe. Seriously, I think until you have kids you never realized how much you could really love a person so much. I mean, they cry, throw fits, they're expensive, they puke, pee and poop on you, but here you are....loving the shit out of them. My daughter has literally puked IN my mouth, guys. INSIDE OF MY MOUTH. I couldn't love her less, though. My son argues about almost everything I have to say, but I couldn't love him less. 

I wanted to be a mom as far back as I can remember. I remember buying the Barbies that also came with the babies  and the little baby carriers - lady friend readers (or guy friend readers, I'm not judging) you know what I'm talking about? I also LOVED playing house and I would make my brother play, too and I just KNOW he loves me more because of that. All of this being said, my children do not consume my entire being. I have been racked with the guilt of this matter of fact statement, but at the end of the day, my children need a mother who is happy. Now you're reading this and you're like.... "How do your kids not make you happy?" But, I didn't say THAT. What I am saying is, I still want to do things for myself that do not always involve my children. Because let's face it, if you're a mom, or just a parent, you cannot tell me (and be truthful) that having your kids with you for everything is amazing. Nope. No way. You're lying if you do. 

The ultimate question: Do you enjoy pooping with a child on your lap? I can answer for everyone and say that answer is a hard NO. There are a lot of logistics involved. That was never something I ever faced with Max, but when Meredith came around the game changed. Going into wanting to become a parent I knew that I would possibly be faced with this challenge and I was ready to accept it, but I still did not enjoy it. 

When you have kids, the entire dynamic changes. Everything that you used to do that was never a big deal suddenly becomes a big deal. Going to the bathroom, riding in the car, taking a shower, going to the store, going on a walk, going out to eat, eating dinner, sleeping, will this list ever end...probably not. If Max and Meredith are being perfect children (which happens about once a month for 5 minutes) then most of those things are completed with ease. 

Something really common among most people is comparing yourself to other people. When you be come a parent, WATCH OUT. It's like a parental competition 24/7 - "What can I do to be a better mom that that mom or that mom or that mom?" FINE, I will say it: Lisa, I do not give a rat's ass if your kid is 18 months old and can recite the entire alphabet. My darling child just ate what appeared to be an M&M off of the floor, but I can't be 100% sure because she already consumed it. Do I want my kids to be full of knowledge and eager to learn? Of course I do. Do I sit with them and go over colors, shapes, letters and numbers every night? Of course I don't. Are my kids happy? Of course they are. Well, except Meredith, I can't always be 100% sure because she has RBF. That's resting bitch face for the readers who were not sure. 

I kind of got side tracked. My whole point of this particular entry is to just say to other parents, it's okay to do things that make you happy even if that means leaving your kids with their Aunt Sue or Grandma JoAnn for a night or two or ten. I would love to be able to take my kids here and there and everywhere with me and it be a pleasant experience each and every time, but I know that is not the reality and I have grown to accept that and not feel guilty about not including them in everything that I do. A major reason why I am able to do this at times is because I picked a very good father for my kids. He doesn't do everything the way that I do, but he is adored by our children and without even needing to say it, I know he loves them beyond words. 

When I became a mom I thought I needed to be this or that and do this or that and in doing those things, I would be completely happy and my kids would be completely happy. That has not been the case for me. My children do not consume me, I am my own person and I still have my own pleasures and goals in life. It took time for me to accept that this is okay to be this way. My kids know I love them, I smother them in hugs and kisses so many times a day that they're probably sick of it, they go to bed with full bellies and I will be over protective of them until the day that I die. My kids probably have more than a lot of kids have as well. They're down right spoiled and rotten because of it, I think. 

My kids are happy despite the fact that:

Sometimes they eat lunchables for breakfast. 

I forget to schedule their milestone doctor appointments and they go months later.

Forget to bring drinks to the class party even though I signed up to do that.

They don't get a bath for 3 days.

I leave them with my husband so I can go shopping.

They were not exclusively breast fed.

Their clothes are not name brand and I do a lot of resale shopping.

I work a full-time job and they have to go to the sitter.

I don't take pictures of every fun thing we do.

Sometimes I yell.

They get behind on immunizations. 

Sometimes we eat in the living room and not at the dinner table.

My son spent 3 nights at my parents house.

I left them for a few days so I could go to a concert in Iowa.

If you're a parent and your kids know you love them and they are taken care of to the best of your ability, they have clean clothes, happy faces, and full bellies - you're not just a parent, you're a great parent. 

The end. For now.