From the mind of the whipper snap.

"Funny how the heart can be deceiving, more than just a couple times.Why do we fall in love so easy, even when it's not right?" We put our hearts through a lot and sometimes it is just plain exhausting. Some of us are willing to be knocked down several times and still get back up, but I think you can only do that so much until you lose your spirit. I know this because I almost lost mine. Over the past year I have learned so many things; from myself, strangers, and my friends. But, one of the main things I have learned is that you cannot do anything about how your heart makes you feel - your emotions. If you love someone - no matter how good or bad it is for you - it is a difficult thing to overcome. For me personally, I tried to give all I had time and time again and it was never enough. And for what? For someone who didn't truly appreciate what I wanted out of life, who cheated on me several times, and told me to my face that he didn't care if I left or not. I

They tell us not to compare because the comparisons will eat us alive. We will literally drive ourselves crazy if we keep comparing. But, how can we ever achieve better things for ourselves if we don't compare? When we go to buy a new car... we compare the specs and the price; we want the best deal. And absolutely, without a doubt in my mind, the same goes for a relationship. I have spent a lot of time avoiding comparing my last relationship with my current relationship, but anymore, it's a hard thing to do. True, I was not the one that deciding on the ending of my first relationship, but to me that is not the point. Okay, in car talk: It's like when you want the car of your dreams and it gets you by for a few years with troubles here and there, but then quits running on you one day. You are then left with no choice but to look for a new car. Except this time, you are looking for different specs, forget the price, unlike your last choice. Sometimes you just have to learn an

I haven't written in about a week and a half, which I feel kind of bad about, but in my defense I have been busy. Today, I woke up feeling...well, just bad all the way around. I did not sleep very well and that will pretty much do it every time. I went on a walk like usual and I figured that would make me feel better, but it didn't. When I got home from my walk I couldn't decide whether to have left over green bean casserole or cereal for breakfast. Then I thought: "If that's the biggest decision I have to make for the entire day, I am going to be just fine." I don't know. I am an utter crab ass today. Do you ever just get a "bad" feeling about something? Like, knots in your stomach? But, you don't even know why you have the bad feeling? That's how I feel and I haven't had one of those in a really long time, so it sucks. I apologize deeply for an awful blog. The end.

Ugh. Too much cauliflower and ranch :/ Onto more serious things that are non-digestive system related. I just spent a little time going back and skimming over the blogs I have written in the past 4-5 months. Honestly, I slightly blew my own mind. It is pure crazy how things change so much over a period of time. For instance, my blog entry on April 10, 2012 was a pretty simple and normal blog entry. Then, my entry from June 18th, I reveal the news of my big break-up. After that, there are quite a few entries that discuss my own feelings about the break-up, etc. Then, in September, I actually start talking about dating and how I am not really a fan of it, ha ha. Somewhere in October, I'm guessing mid-October, I let go of the past, the what could happens, and the heartache. Emotionally, I feel like I have overcome so much and I know that a lot of people don't care, don't think it's a big deal, or don't understand; but "a lot of people" do not matter. I wen

I have to be at work in about 20 minutes or so, but I really wanted to say the things I need to say... Parents, Newsflash: Just because you give a child life means nothing if you do not stand behind the true meaning of being a parent.  From my own perspective:   I feel like I have spent most of my life being a burden to my parents. It's not that I don't think they love me because I think that they do, but it feels more like one of those... "I gave you life... so, I love you." As a parent, I feel that you should always put your child and their best interests first... before anything. I struggle a lot with the stress of my own parents and for those of you that personally know them or me, you already know why for the most part. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents.. they gave me life and if not for them, I wouldn't be living the life I am living and I truly love my life and the person that I have turned out to be. There are a few minor kinks, but

I've spent my morning talking to one of my best friends and it's been semi-decent serious talking times, so I thought... "Hey, this may be blog material."  Anyway, we were talking about settling in a relationship. It is not something that I look down on because it is so common and it happens without even realizing that you are doing it. For me, personally, that is what I did in my previous relationship. I gave my all and was willing to give even more to someone who was only meeting me half way. I was very aware of what was happening, but I would butter it up and then forget about it until something happened again. Do not get me wrong, we had this great friendship - we were best friends an we were the couple that people liked being around, but behind closed doors, the relationship aspect of it all was sort of... toxic. Again, do not get me wrong, had he never ended it, I would still be with him, but I was never strong enough to end it when I should have; I was settl

"Darling it was good, never looking down, and right there where we stood...was holy ground." That's a lyric from one of Taylor's newest songs on her new album Red. << Obviously that's all I can talk about lately. I told you before, she has been my playlist. I cannot escape. Save yourselves. Anyway, that lyric has significant meaning to this blog. Or, at least that was my hope when I started writing this blog.  When you start a new relationship... when is it okay to let your guard down and let the feelings fly? Do you just go with the flow of things or are there rules? See, I've met this guy. I have gotten to know this great guy that I know I could love. Have any of you ever felt that feeling? Not actually being in love, but meeting/getting to know someone that you know you could love? It's wonderful and scary at the same time, but I am pretty sure that's a normal feeling. Then again, what the hell do I know? I am trying to straighten out my

"And when you take, you take the very best of me." Ohhh, I love me some Taylor Swift. That little lyric is from her song "Cold As You" if you're interested. She has been my playlist lately. Not sure if that has anything to do with the fact that her newest album RED comes out in 2 days!? I've had a mass amount of me time today, so that's when I get all of these thoughts. Especially when I start listening to music and things. Anyway, my main thought was that I love my best friends. I feel that over the last few months I have become closer with all of them and I love that so much. I honestly don't know what I would do without them. They're my sisters; my soul mates. I know that relationships will come and go, but they are always going to be by my side. I also know that I have written similar blogs to this one, but if you love someone... there is nothing wrong with reminding them, right? The thought of them not being in my life actually hurts my he

"I don't know if this makes sense, but you're my Hallelujah." Yep. I may or may not be a Beiber lover. Nah, I totally am. I'm dancing to his newest song "As Long As You Love Me" and totally jamming out. Anyway, I have been trying to write another blog and I've had some serious writer's block quite frankly my dears, it's been pissing me off. Writing just makes me feel a lot better, no matter what mood I'm in. I'm just an emotional little lady, ha ha. I've had a great day today really. No major complaints besides the fact that Zumba was canceled, but that is so minor. I went on a walk instead and the weather was absolutely beautiful. I appreciate beautiful days so very much. Earlier a friend of mine informed me that one of his friends passed away and that brought back all of the feelings of January and June. For anyone that reads my blog, especially my friends, you know that we lost a great person in January. Everett is missed b

I feel like I have so much to write about this morning, but you just watch, once I start writing, it will be "blah". Let's hope not. FLASHBACK!  September 29, 2012 -This day was easily one of the best days. I worked all day, so I made that $$. Then, I come home to find a piece of mail from the hospital telling me that my bill for my bicycle injuries was 100% wrote off with the charity care. That evening was the concert. What concert you ask? The free All-American Rejects concert! It was put on my Charter Communications at Soldier Memorial for the Taste of St. Louis and it was absolutely wonderful. We got there like 2.5 hours early, so obviously we (My brother and his friends) managed to get a spot right at the front of the stage (it was standing). The show was already amazing, then Tyson (lead singer) decided to come into the crowd and slowly, he made his way to where we were standing... THEN, he sat right next to me and sang the song "Mona Lisa", which j

It has been brought to my attention that today is National Siblings Day. I may only have one blood related sibling, but I have other "siblings" by choice; a shit ton of sisters. Since today is their day, let me tell you about these fabulous people... Honey Bunches of Oats; I'm so thankful for the combining of White Hall and Roodhouse in the 6th grade because our friendship started sometime on that timeline. She is truly my go-to girl; my bestie. We know how to have a great time together of course, but it seems that when times are the hardest, we are closer than ever and I love that. Even when she may be having the worst day, she can still manage to try and lift my spirits. I think we understand each other in a way that a lot of other people don't. She has such a big heart. I want her to know that she's beautiful and I love her. Amby; I am not sure where my friendship with this one started, but I *think* it arrived in a study hall in Jr. High. We have went thro

It's been almost one whole month since my last post. Whoa. I have had very few exciting things happen since then, but I am sitting in my room with all of these thoughts that no one cares about, but myself, so it is time to write. Warning: These thoughts are going to bounce from one wall to the next. Thought #1: I don't know a whole lot about blessings, but if they are the real deal, then I have been blessed a mass amount in my life. Mainly with the people in my life. Hands down, they are some of the most precious little creatures. I know I can call up any one of my best friends for whatever reason and they will listen to me. I am so thankful for that and I have no idea how I landed these people. Three months ago when I thought my entire world was coming to an end (dramatic, I know), they were there. They are the people that made the situation something bad THAT happened in my life, instead of something bad that IS happening in my life. I also want to mention my job and my c

Hello everyone :) This blog is going to focus mainly on my trip to the "Big Apple" aka New York City! I have been fortunate enough to have visited NYC twice now. Once in March of 2010 for a week and this time Aug. 20 - Aug. 24. The first time I stayed in Queens - Long Island City and this time we stayed in Manhattan - right on Times Square! Where a lot of the hussle and bussle takes place, but really, it is a huge tourist area. All of the big gigantic screens make it look so neat. We got to our hotel room and were able to look right down onto Times Square, which was fabulous. The city was our "night light". Onto the activities... Day 1: We arrived in NYC around 11:30am. From there on we visited the 9/11 Memorial, which was beautiful and obviously sad. Then, we headed to Chinatown and Little Italy. We ate a Chinese restaurant and I had General Tao's chicken. It was authentic, so it tasted a little different and they egg rolls were HUGE. We ended up having g

I don't know who reads my blog and nor do I care. I have never been one to care much what other people have thought of me, anyway, but at this juncture in my life, I really don't care. Little things have been going on lately that are really getting under my skin and it had me thinking that in all the things that I have done in my short 22 years of life, I do not regret a thing - not a damned thing. Not even the times I should have walked away from different people in my life and to stop giving out 2nd and 8th chances. I managed to stay in a relationship with a guy who lived overseas for 5 years and it was not ideal at all, but I do not regret it. I dropped out of college because I didn't think I could handle it and had I stayed in, I would be graduated by now versus not even yet having my associates, but alas, I do not regret the decision I made to quit. Not to toot my own horn, but why can't more people be like that? Why can't people grab life and their decisions b

I have posted so much more since I had my heart broken, ha ha. My carpel tunnel is growing day by day. I wanted to write a blog yesterday because when I was mowing the yard I had all of these awesome thoughts, but of course half of them are lost in my mind right now. One of my friends said the other day, "I think everyone should have their heart broken at least once because it builds character." She may be onto something. Not that I would enjoy to see anyone go through the pain that I went through or the pain I have witnessed in my other friends, but it's definitely an eye-opener. I consider myself to be a realist, which some people consider to be an asshole, but really I just come to grips with the truth. One thing I was thinking about when I was mowing yesterday was how we should treat our ex boyfriends and girlfriends. So many people try to avoid one another or they do not have very nice things to say about one another. I know that I have dropped "that son of a bi

This is going to be a blog pretty similar to all of the others, so you have been warned. I also write "personal" things and how I actually feel, whether I really should provide this to the public or not... As much of a turn my life took over a month ago, I find it hard to be upset; hence the title of this blog. I was going through pictures on my phone from the past few weeks and 75% of those pictures and fabulous times would not have happened. In this case, I guess you have to take the good with the bad. I enjoyed almost every passing moment with him in our relationship, but there is a sense of "free" that I feel and there are things I no longer have to worry about. That being said, I miss him all of the time. Not really the relationship aspect, but he was one of my very best friends. While I do not think that is completely thrown away, it has definitely been put on hold until further notice. It is true what Marilyn Monroe said.. "I believe everything happe

“Happiness… we long for it; we work for it. But, every time we think we have it, it’s gone-like a soap bubble in a child’s eager grasp.” This is quote is from a little “Thank You” note that a customer left for me after I made her lunch. I was having one of those, “Life is never going to work in my favor!” kind of days, so it really helped. The fact is: life is never going to work completely in our favor because we always expect too much; from everything and everyone; ourselves included. I am not exactly sure that we really set ourselves up for failure, but pretty close. We go to our jobs and we try our best with the idea that maybe eventually we will come out on top, but that is not always the case. We make friends and expect the kind of friendships we see in movies. We may like a person of the opposite sex and try to make that work, but that doesn’t always work out. Most of all, we expect love; a great love. Especially the kind of love we see in movies. However, movies are fake and

"Cause even the stars..they burn. Some even fall to the Earth. We've got a lot to learn; God knows we're worth it."..."I had to learn what I got and what I'm not...and who I am." Obviously, I am currently listening to the song "I won't give up" by Jason Mraz because it is fantastic and it definitely deserves some quoting. My day wasn't TOO exciting, so that will be minimally talked of. It involves working, working, taking care of some critters and working. The end. I am running on very little sleep and even though falling into a coma was in my plans, I knew that after I got off work I would be too wired to sleep. That, and I still need to do some math homework, so I am not a completely horrible student. At this very moment I am thinking about how happy I am; with life and myself. I am not at all boasting because obviously there is always room for improvement, but I am happy and that means so much to me at this point in my life. I kn

Happy 1st of July, everyone! I cannot even believe it is July already...where does the time go?  I am sitting in bed thinking about life things and how topsy-turvy-upside down my life has been for the past few weeks. I could not have gotten through a second of each day without the closest people in my life and you all know who you are. This is just one of the many curve balls life is going to throw at me and I am ready to play the game. I believe there is a "plan" for everyone and you can either choose to fight it or make the best of it. I am making the best of it. When you go through a lifestyle changed, such as a person removing themselves from your life, I think you automatically think of the future and how messed up your plans are. At least, that is what I did and it had me completely devastated. But, I had a very special friend tell me to not focus on the future, but to focus on today and tomorrow. Eventually, you will go through so many todays and tomorrows that you w

Hello all :) I wanted to write this blog last night, but Shannon came over and I was supposed to get my math quiz done, but instead we watched Sex and the City and I fell asleep. I intend for this blog to hold a lot of cool life information, but I am not so sure that it will once I get the ball rolling. Last week at Shannon and Kate's family dinner, we had Asian food which of course requires fortune cookies. Feeling pretty low considering it was the first time really out without him by my side around all of our friends, I needed a pick me up. I opened my fortune cookie and was pretty surprised. (Even though they are complete bullshit). My fortune read: "Although it feels like a roller coaster now, life will calm down." It pretty much hit the nail on the head and it kind of turned my mood. Honestly, since then, I have been doing a lot better and I know each day will just get easier. The thing is, with a break-up like mine, there is no room to be REALLY angry because pe

It has been a little over two months since I have written a blog and I am not sure why. Maybe because time got away from me or something. Anyway, I feel like writing one today, so that is what I shall do. Recently (almost a week ago), my (ex)boyfriend decided that he wanted to end our relationship. He said that his feelings for me had changed and that it was time to call it quits. Of course it killed me, but being the logical girl that I am, I did not argue with his decision because I do not want to be with someone that does not want to be with me. That being said, a couple days later, I tried talking to him to see if we could work things out and that was not going to happen. I am not angry with him for this because he was honest with me and he was nothing but a good friend and I love his family. I have a lot of respect for the whole bunch! Not only that, but we are trying to end this on good terms... Onto the emotional side of the whole ordeal... I am not the kind of person that

Ughh. I just went to take a bite of the pickle on my fork and bit right into the fork. I am happy times 20893845 that my tooth didn't break :/ Anyway, in this blog I just want to write about life things and what I have been doing in my life since last time I posted. I can't even recall when that even took place, so I'll just write about my past week. Thursday I got to see my bestie Lori and that was a good time, but cut too short due to her scheduled life events :) Thursday is ALSO the day that Brad's sister and nephew came to visit and they will be leaving this coming Thursday. It has been a pretty grand time this past week. I have spent a lot of time with Brad's family and I always enjoy that. My grandparents are out of town, so that leaves me dog-sitting 7 lovely pups -_- not exactly a fantastic time, but it's been okay. The first couple of days they go stir crazy, but then they calm down. They were even nice enough that I fed them and gave them baths :) Ea

I am currently listening to "Somebody That I Used to Know" by Gotye. Lately, it has been a favorite.  I haven't posted in quite a while, but I think it's because I have been so busy :/ I am off today, so besides homework, I can be your blogging bitch. Last Saturday (3/10/12) was Everett's benefit and it went really well! I got there at 11:00 am and didn't leave until 9:00pm. I had a really great time spending the day with his family and friends for him. After that, I started my ridiculous work week...  Brad and I (AND SHANNON) are currently looking for our own place, but we're looking for the riiiiight one! Hmm, what else? Brad got into a car accident about a week ago; he hit 2 deer. Well, he hit ONE deer and the other ran into the side of him. I saw his little Mini Cooper for the first time last night and I must say... it was a sad little sight.  Today, I plan on doing serious laundry, homework, going on a walk, and doing some crafty things. Maybe see

I just heard the news about a guy that passed away from Winchester. It is so odd and a bit stunning because him and his sister were in my second grade class when I went to Winchester. I know that is many years ago and they wouldn't even remember me, but I have always remember their names. That is strange to me. When Everett passed it was heartbreaking and now there are Kyle's friends and family that are having to go through the exact same thing we all had to go through a couple months ago. It is completely awful and both of these boys were way too young to leave. I don't know who Kyle is anymore, but in second grade, he was always really quiet; both him and his sister. From what I can remember... How do we get from there to here? From playing on the monkey bars to death. It is saddening. I feel like death has been lurking in the air since Everett passed away. My heart goes out to anyone that has lost a loved one. I hope that you have the strongest of support systems beca

I know the common question, "Why do these kind of things happen?" cannot be answered, but for once I wish it could be. You were such a damn good person. I have started feeling better about your passing and I thought today would be a day of celebrating your life with a hint of sadness, but there happens to be a lot of sadness. Honestly, I have the same feelings the week I had after your passing. I know we were not close, but I feel a lot of hurt... for you, your family, and anyone that loved and knew you; Anyone that you made smile. Tomorrow I am going to visit you for your birthday, but you will not be there physically and that scares me a little bit. I sure do hope you're doing swell wherever you are... Just always know that there are a lot of people that love you and miss you and always will.  P.S. Happy mothafuckin' golden birthday! 

Lime Green Headphones. Bahhhh. I wanted to go on a walk SO.STINKING.BAD, but I lost my headphones. I  actually THINK I lost them the other day at Subway. I pulled money out of my pocket and they must have fallen out of my pocket OR they could have fallen out when I took my jacket off. I'm trying to do more walking and these missing headphones are setting me back. I cannot walk without them because I get bored too easily. Kala and I are going out to eat dinner at Applebee's, so I plan on stopping at Wal-Mart afterwards to buy some new ones. I bet they won't be lime green, though. I have really been trying for a better lifestyle by cutting out soda (which is hard), cutting out sweets (also hard), and going on walks whenever I can. Hoo-rah! I started a new class today. It's called HSM/240 which is another Human Services class since I just finished and PASSED!!! HSM/220 and HSM/230. I'm not a fan of these classes, so I'll be extremely happy when this 9 week block

This is the fanciest text I could find for this post. I mean, it is Valentine's Day after all... Speaking of Valentine's Day; a lot of people have beef with it. Shit, I think I used to be one of those people once upon a time. All girls want a knight in shining armor to give her flowers and treats, but that's not always the case. I happen to be a very lucky girl who has had the same Valentine for the past 4 years. I consider him a pretty good guy. I used to think that a relationship will happen when it happens and in some cases, that is true, but it also takes some effort. I have been there and done it and you have to go through a lot of crap to find the right person sometimes. I am not the type of person that focuses on a relationship lasting "forever", but I know that our relationship is indefinite. Yeah, yeah... I'm writing about this just because it is Valentine's Day, but I love him just as much today as I did the other day when we had a huge argument.

Apparently I have a lot of thoughts going through my head that are related to my blog title. Usually I do not like to share a lick of deep personal information with anyone, but like I have said before in many blogs... writing helps me. I think it is how I figure a lot of things out.  I am not going to say that my whole life has been complete crap, because it hasn't there are people that have it a lot worse off than I do. That being said, I will still not say it was fun; especially my younger years.  Many of you probably have at least ONE parent that tried to better your life because you are their child. I cannot really say that is the case for my parents and yes, it is sad, but it is something I have dealt with. I do not think I have actually ever REALLY written about this, but I am ready to. If I don't...I'm worried it will ruin my other relationships, or something. Before I start, I just want to say that I consider myself to be a damn good person. I carry good ethics a

This is going to be the blog to win them all. I just got home from work a bit ago. While I was at work someone showed me a Facebook picture of some pregnant girl standing in front of the mirror taking a picture of herself while smoking a cigarette. She is about 18/19. Standing in front of the mirror. Smoking a cigarette. Oh wait..did I say that twice? Yeah..guess so, because it is so crazy. I have nothing against young girls getting pregnant as long as you can take care of your business. There is a problem with people these days and I cannot figure it out. I am sure it has been going on for quite some time, but now that I am older, I actually notice it. People like to blame it on their past and how they had to grow up, but those excuses do not cut it for me. I grew up with a really crappy childhood and most statistics would say that I should probably be into drugs, etc. by the way I grew up. Have some respect for yourself is all I have to say. It's ridiculous. If you do not respect

If you're reading this, tell me... did my title reel you in? Haha. No, no lady in White Hall won 1,000,000 on a scratch off ticket. Sorry, hah.  Really, it's just a beautiful day and I felt like writing. However, what I really need to be doing is homework, so I can go outside and enjoy the nice weather AND have no homework to do tomorrow when I go see Lori! Initially I had some really good thoughts, which is why I even decided to write, but somehow they slipped my mind. Ah.. One thing, or person should I say, that I wanted to write about was Everett. Not so much him, but the different reactions that I have heard that kind of disgust me in a way. It has only been a few people, but still... Any of you that know Ev, know how he passed away, but to most of us (like myself) it does not matter because he was still Everett. I have heard people say, "Why in the world would he do something like that!?" .. Another person said, "It was bound to happen." There have al